


A Summer in Italy

by teamfreetitan



Series: A Little Town In Italy - Human AU [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Arguing, Background Relationships, Countries Using Human Names, Dating, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I didn't want to clog up their tags okay, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor South Italy/Spain (Hetalia), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unrequited Love, kind of, minor prussia/north italy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-09 17:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15272463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamfreetitan/pseuds/teamfreetitan
Summary: Ludwig Beilschmidt just graduated high school; now, he gets to spend the summer in Italy, where his brother, Gilbert, is attending college. For Ludwig, that means no work and no friends. He anticipates the worst.However, his brother introduces him to four new people: Francis, Antonio, Lovino, and, most striking, Feliciano.Maybe two months in Italy won't be as bad as he fears. Maybe they will. But Ludwig? Ludwig is prepared to find out.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Please enjoy this story, and if you do, leave kudos or a comment! :D
> 
> The rest of the story will be up soon, as I didn't want to post everything in one big, hardly navigable chunk of text. If there are any typos, please let me know. Also, if your computer or phone doesn't register, the symbol next to Feli's name in the contact is a heart.
> 
> Thanks!

Vacation was supposed to be fun… right?

A day in, and Ludwig was having anything but fun. He had just graduated high school the week before, and now he was getting shipped off to Italy for two months. That on its own was wonderful - who wouldn’t be giddy with excitement for a two month trip to Italy? - but it was not a vacation in itself.

No, Ludwig was going out to stay with his elder brother, Gilbert, for the summer. Two years before, Gilbert had graduated and high tailed it out of Germany with the money from his part time job, finding a small but reputable trade school on the Italian countryside. He had lived there for the past two years, juggling school and work, and using his savings from high school when work didn’t suffice. Ludwig was not going to Italy for some fancy graduation trip; he was going to Italy because he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life and his father thought that, if he saw Gilbert working hard at the trade school, he might find something he wanted to pursue.

The bumpy train chugged along the railroad for hours upon end. Ludwig had decided to put in his headphones and ditch any productive work about a half an hour back. After all, he would have all summer to work on other things. As the scenery ceased to be Switzerland and became Italy, Ludwig knew he was getting close.

The trade school was in the northern portion of Italy, hours away from any big city with sightseeing. It was a shame. At least the rest of Italy was beautiful. Ludwig sighed and closed his eyes for several seconds before reopening them with a tired forcefulness.

He wanted to lean his head against the window, but the ride was far too filled with vibration for that to be comfortable. Ludwig leaned his head against the headrest cushion, with absorbed all the bouncing of the train.

He watched the background fade into a long blur.

It wasn’t long before the train was pulling into his station. In fact, Ludwig was the only one getting off. He retrieved his bags and easily pulled them up in a curl as he made his way through the thin aisle to the exit. He gave a low thank you in Italian to the staff. Italian wasn’t his strongest language, nowhere near it, but he knew enough pleasantries to make it through with relative politeness.

There were few people lingering in the station. It was obvious there were a couple other railroad tracks, so there must’ve been other trains running, but Ludwig guessed three at most. This wasn’t a huge town so the need for inter and intra city transportation was small.

That being said, it was easy to find Gilbert waiting for him. He wore a black button up shirt with the top one popped open and blue jeans. His style had, admittedly, gotten cleaned up in Italy. He always wore t-shirts and hoodies before, but had shifted to nicer clothes. His hair was still the same platinum blonde mop it always had been; he did push it back more because Italy’s climate was warmer. Neither of these were revelations to Ludwig. Though he had only seen Gilbert on his Christmas trips home since he left, they video chatted a couple times a month.

Who else was Ludwig supposed to talk to?

Gilbert looked up as the train let his brother off and scampered forwards to throw his arms around the taller man.

“Luddy!” he shouted.

“Hey,” Ludwig responded, wrapping his free arm around Gilbert.

“I’m so excited that you’re here! I need to make sure that my brother doesn’t start out his adult life making bad decisions, eh?” Gilbert pulled back, laughing. “We’re going to take the bus back to my place. I got you a pass for the next two months with unlimited ons and offs so don’t be afraid to use it.” He shoved a piece of paper into Ludwig’s empty hand. They turned to walk outside the station. “Most people take the bus or walk; I guessed you wouldn’t want to walk back to my apartment with your bags and stuff.”

Ludwig shrugged, but thanked him nonetheless. They caught the next bus, which was arriving just as they walked outside, and rode it to Gilbert’s apartment.

The apartment was a two bedroom. For the past two years, Gilbert had been roommates with a guy a few years older than himself, signing the lease to rent and everything. When they guy graduated, Gilbert took over the apartment by himself. When Ludwig left in the fall, he would find some incoming student to share the rent. Ludwig was a little worried about making Gilbert cover the entire rent himself, but Gilbert insisted he shouldn’t worry.

Walking in, the apartment seemed less intense than Gilbert’s personality. There was some furniture, definitely not all of which Gilbert had moved in with, but there were obvious holes where his old roommate took his belongings out. The spare bedroom had a twin bed and a dresser, both of which were small and banged up. Ludwig didn’t mind.

His brother’s room was… definitely a reflection of his personality. All his belongings were strewn there, though tidy, leaving the shared spaces bare. Posters clung to the wall and books were piled on the desk. A small window in the corner let in light from the setting sun; to the right, a line of photos extended parallel to it. Ludwig barely got a glance when Gilbert shuffled him out.

“Same rules apply here as they did at home. My room. No touchie.”

Ludwig grunted, but agreed. He didn’t want to upset his brother, especially so soon in the trip.

The sun was dipping below the horizon, so Gilbert insisted that Ludwig unpack and get settled in. They could hang out tomorrow before Gilbert had work and some friends to meet. He invited Ludwig to join, but he declined the offer, retiring to his room for the evening.

Few decorations had made the cut into his bag for the trip. Most of what he brought included clothes, books, and tech. Unlike Gilbert, he didn’t have any pictures to put on his wall, and he had left his posters at his home in Germany. He sorted his folded clothes into appropriate drawers and hung up the few shirts he had in the little closet. His pillow was tossed onto the bed. He put his books on top of the dresser and plugged his phone in before he went to sleep.

The mattress was obviously worn; he could assume that it was the old roommate’s, left behind for the next person while he found a better and probably bigger bed. The sheets and pillow were good enough in conjunction with Ludwig’s pillow, and he fell asleep just fine.

* * *

 

Ludwig awoke the next morning as the sun rose. Gilbert lured him to the living room with the scent of strong coffee and bacon. They shared breakfast together before Gilbert headed out for work at noon.

“There’s wifi, and the password is on the fridge. Eat whatever. I’m working until seven and then going out with some friends; are you sure you don’t want to join? You’ll have to meet them eventually. Most of them speak English, and one even knows German.” Ludwig dismissed him again. “Alright, alright. Like I said, stay out of my room, but you can do basically whatever else.” He winked, grabbing his backpack. “I’ll see you tonight. Let me know if you decide to leave or anything. And that reminds me! There’s a spare key on the counter for you! Auf wiedersehen!”

There wasn’t much to explore in the apartment. Other than Gilbert’s room, of course, but Ludwig was a good house guest following the rules. There was always that little brother part of him that wanted to snoop around in there - after all, why wouldn’t he be allowed in if there were no secrets in there? - but he was older now and more mature than that.

Since Gilbert’s moving out, their relationship had grown more formal and mature, especially on Ludwig’s behalf. They didn’t have petty fights or wrestle each other when they were together. Gilbert had always had a watchful eye on his brother, but it grew both stronger and more relaxed the older Ludwig became.

There wasn’t much to do, so Ludwig picked up one of his books and began to read.

Part of him almost regretted not going out with Gilbert’s friends. Almost. He was content here, albeit bored. They were a bunch of Italian strangers. Furthermore, they were his brother’s friends. He’d be such an awkward outsider - more awkward than he normally was.

If roles were reversed, Gilbert would have not only gone out, but been on the phone with his friends back home all night after getting home. Not Ludwig though. He didn’t have enough friends for that. Or, well, really any, for that matter.

No, this was not going to be a vacation at all. He was away from home and anyone he might be able to hang out with. Though he was with Gilbert, his brother would be hanging out with all his friends so often that it would just be a reminder of Ludwig’s lack of friends. Even if he did go out with them, he’d just be embarrassed by either his brother, poor de facto language skills, or his general bad social skills. He couldn’t even work because he didn’t know enough Italian to pick up a part time job.

There was a reason he brought so many books.

Ludwig had just turned the light off to go to bed when he heard the front door open and hi brother’s loud voice echoing down the hall.

“Ludwig!”

He traced his two steps back to the door and pulled it open in his boxer shorts and a muscle tank, expecting only Gilbert to be in the living room. To his surprise, there were three others with him.

“Du bist-” he began in German before seeing the others. “Oh, hi.”

He lingered in the doorway, looking at his brother’s friends. The first man had shoulder length blonde hair and wore a blue hoodie. The second wore a similar outfit to his brother and had short, messy brunette hair. The third was the shortest of the group, with longer hair than the second but shorter than the first. The first two men talked quickly, slipping between English, Italian, and a couple other words of whatever was convenient. Only the third guy acknowledge Ludwig at first, lifting his hand and smiling.

“Hi,” Ludwig repeated, unsure of what to say.

“Oh, go back to bed, Luddy,” Gilbert said. “Do you mind if my friends and I hang here for a couple minutes? I’ve got beer, and they don’t want to pay for alcohol.”

Ludwig shrugged, slipping back into his room. It was still dark as he got under the sheets, but he could hear them talking. Snippets of conversation. The loud parts, mostly. They, as the two men had been doing before, shuffled between Italian and English, so Ludwig picked up pieces here and there.

“Mio fratello!” exclaimed a voice, not Gilbert’s.

“Yes, tuo fratello,” drawled another.

“You’re cute, Feli. Maybe you need a scandalous sex life to shock them back.”

There was some laughing.

Ludwig pushed his face into the pillow and hoped to fall asleep. He didn’t fall asleep for another two hours.

* * *

A couple days passed. They were similar to the beginning of the stay. Ludwig and Gilbert spent part of the day together, and when Gilbert headed off to his part time job, Ludwig stayed at the apartment to read and watch video and organize the cabinet for the tenth time this week. Gilbert did ask him to do a couple tasks while he was at work, but Ludwig was fine with it; it gave him something to do. His loud friends didn’t come over again, so Ludwig had been able to get to sleep quickly.

Gilbert had been teaching him some phrases so that he could run errands such as getting pasta and sausage when they ran out. He made his way through the thin town streets to the local market.

The town was prettier than Ludwig had given it credit for. The restaurants and cafes all had luscious flowers and bushes outside. There was a sort of oldness to it, a feeling of being worn, that made it feel lived in and welcoming. Still, Ludwig knew little Italian and his accent when he spoke English was stronger than he desired. He kept his head down and tried to be efficient when he was doing tasks, but took longer, scenic routes on his strolls on the way home.

Ludwig had taken to cooking dinner so that it was ready as Gilbert was getting home. He had seared some sausage and put it with pasta and a family recipe sauce he found at the market. Gilbert was ecstatic when he came home from work exhausted.

“An awesome dinner for your awesome brother, huh? You must love me a lot, Ludwig!”

“Stop talking and eat.”

They were sitting on the breakfast bar stools against the raised counter, eating too much to have a conversation. On the platform, next to his plate, Gilbert’s phone vibrated. He read it quickly to himself.

“Seriously? Already?” he exclaimed.

“What is it?”

“Every year there’s this back to school night kind of thing where all the students get ready to come back and it’s like orientation for the new kids. Everyone is supposed to bring their family and stuff. But we’re only halfway through July! That’s so early! It’s tomorrow! That’s crazy!”

Ludwig gave a side eye. “Don’t go if it’s that crazy.”

“No, no, no, no. I have to go. And you, mister, are coming with me.” This caused mixed emotions. On one hand, Ludwig wanted to avoid it for the same reason he wanted to avoid all the other social interactions. Conversely, it might be a chance to actually make some friends for once. When he propped with wondering why he needed to go, Gilbert continued, “Because, Luddy, this is what we do! It’s the biggest event before school starts. There’s so many international kids here that you get to meet people from all over Europe. I don’t think you realize just how big of a deal this school is. It’s hard to get into, and there’s so much international competition. We have to go. And you’ll get to meet some of my friends; this time you won’t be in your underwear. 

Ludwig groaned. Hello, social awkwardness. Goodbye, good first impressions.

* * *

 

The evening started out like any normal back to school night and orientation. The dean gave a speech and the incoming students went one way with their families. The returning students went another. Unlike the new kids, they weren’t getting tours or speeches; they were partying.

Gilbert had deemed all of Ludwig’s clothes “not party material” and thrown something at him out of his own closet. It was a green shirt - since when did Gilbert even have green? - and told him to wear that. Due to the fact that Ludwig was taller and bigger, the material stretched across his chest; it was nothing like his style at all. He slid his hair back with gel like usual and grabbed his black jacket to wear over the skin tight shirt. With his black slacks, it didn’t look that bad. In fact, Ludwig actually liked the way he looked. Not that he would give his brother the satisfaction and boost his ego.

Gilbert, on the other hand, was wearing a ridiculously tiny black tank top with a short sleeve shirt button up over it. Thankful that Gilbert hadn’t tried to make Ludwig wear that tank top (it would have ripped, no doubt), he gave his brother a hard time about the button up. The shirt mimicked a Hawaiian tourist shirt with its bright blue color and repeating design, except for the fact that the design was a bunch of tiny swords.

“Gotta scare the incoming kiddos,” he explained. Ludwig couldn’t tell if it were a joke or not.

They quickly met up with one of the guys who had been over the few nights before. It was the guy with the short brunette hair. He smiled when he saw the two German brothers.

“Antonio!” Gilbert shouted.

“Gibert!” the guy, Antonio, shouted back. “And Ludwig, right? Your brother?”

The short guy to his side rolled his eyes. “This asshole. And apparently the asshole has a jerk brother now, too. Great.” He took a large sip of the drink in his hands.

Ludwig wasn’t sure what this guy’s problem was, but he stayed out of it for the time being, unsure if he was joking or not. He didn’t look like he was joking. Antonio jabbed him in the side, telling him to “be nice to the Germans.” He rolled his eyes again but stopped talking while Gilbert introduced them.

“This is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, I’m sure you’ve heard. He’s attending from Spain and he graduates this year. This,” he gestured to the short, angry man, “is Lovino Vargas. He lives in town and goes to school here. It’s his second year. His brother was over at my apartment the other day. Feliciano. Where _is_ Feli? Oh, there he is! Feli!”

That was the guy from the other night. Not the tall, blonde guy, as he was nowhere in sight. This was the shorter guy who had actually said hi to Ludwig. He wore a striped button up and a tie, undone a little bit and hanging low on his chest to leave room for the popped button. His brown hair hung around his face, curling up at the edges. “Ludwig, hi, I remember you!”

The other Italian boy, Lovino, glared at Ludwig.

Some girl shouted something and called Gilbert over; he slipped away with a quick farewell to his brother. The house next to campus where the party was was quickly getting filled with more and more people.

“I’m going to get some air,” Ludwig announced, turning to the door.

“Wait, I want to come,” Feliciano said.

Lovino groaned, telling Antonio to follow him to find the alcohol. He was going to need something stronger than whatever he was drinking.

Outside the house was better, but Ludwig had to walk about a block away from the house and school to reach complete peace; here, no half drunk underage adults were stumbling around or shouting. A little playground sat on the edge of the street corners and Ludwig quickly situated himself in a swing, digging his heels into the gravel to gain a little momentum. He didn’t bother to kick his legs, so once the swung stopped, he continued his pattern of shoving his feet to push up.

Feliciano took the swing next to him.

“What do you think of Italy?” he asks.

Ludwig gave a inquisitive look with a raised eyebrow, but answers the question honestly. He was so-so on it, saying, “I’ve got about as many friends here as I do at home - none - but at least I’ve got my brother here to hang out with.”

“You can hang out with us. I only recently started hanging out with the group. It’s… a little weird actually.” He laughed a loud laugh in the quiet playground.

“How so?”

“Your brother, Francis, and Antonio have been hanging out together since their first year, I guess. My brother, Lovino, is a year younger than them, and I’m a year younger than him; I graduated this spring. But Antonio and Lovino are good friends and, honestly, I think Antonio has a thing for him. Gilbert and Antonio kept inviting me to hang out with them, and I think it was probably so Antonio had an excuse to see my brother, but I’m just a part of the group by now.”

“Does Lovino like Antonio?”

This earned a laugh followed by a shrug. “Who knows? I don’t know if he likes guys romantically. But, he’s kind of a jerk to most people, so the fact that he has Antonio in any way is a miracle. Otherwise he would just be at home, carbo-loading and studying and being bitter.”

He slowed his swing to a stop, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a bottle of wine. Ludwig watched as he popped it open. The glass bottle wasn’t enough to get wasted on, but perhaps a bit tipsy, depending on the alcohol tolerance of the drinker. Feliciano made some comment about how wonderful big pockets were; they were just the same size as a bottle of wine if you got the right ones!

Feliciano held the bottle out towards Ludwig, inviting him to share the wine with him. Ludwig downed a sip; it was nothing like the beer they had in Germany. This red wine was sweet, but also acidic. Very distinct.

“You bring this to a party here in Italy?” he asked. “It’s so fancy.”

Feliciano took the bottle back and drank some, contemplating his reply. “Most of the college parties have beer or vodka ‘cause it’s cheaper to buy in bulk. I just think wine is better. And, of course, welcome to Italy, because this isn’t even the fancy stuff.”

Ludwig feigned exasperation. “You Italians are crazy!”

“It’s good in cooking!” Feliciano defended.

“Yeah, yeah.” Chuckling, Ludwig took back the bottle and drank again.

They went around like this for some time, sharing the wine and chatting idly. The dark playground was filled with the sound of laughter. In what felt like a couple minutes but was actually hours, the party down the block began to disband. People walked by the park on their way home and a couple waved to Feliciano. The diameter of people around the house party shrunk and shrunk, causing Ludwig to comment that he ought to go find his brother.

“Me too,” Feliciano said. “Unless _my_ brother got sick of everyone and left with Antonio. He might’ve dragged him away, especially if your brother came back. Or Francis showed up. Or, ugh, he’s probably gone. I’ll check my phone.”

Feliciano pulled his phone out of his other pocket; the wine bottle, now empty, had taken back its place in his right pocket so they didn’t throw it away in the playground. He sighed, shoving his phone back in his pocket. “Yup, gone.”

“Can I ask you something? It might be personal,” Ludwig said. Cocking his head, Feliciano urged him on. “Why is Lovino such a, you know…”

“Dick? You can say it because he is. But, I’m not sure, to be honest. We didn’t live together when we were young. We had different moms. I lived with my grandpa on my dad’s side, though; Lovino moved in with us when his mom died in high school. We’ve gotten closer since then, but he was always kind of a jerk to everyone. That bad boy reputation and stuff. He’s not all harsh on the inside, but it takes a lot of digging to see. And he especially hates, well, nothing personal, but Germans. He’s biased. Don’t take offense.”

Ludwig stood up from the swing and stretched his legs. “None taken, but may I ask why?”

Feliciano gave a sad smile and looked away. “Nothing you can control. Just, this guy I knew in high school.” He sighed. “I’d rather not talk about him, though. It’s done.”

“Alright. I’m sorry for bringing it up. We should head back over there to see if Gilbert’s there.”

The two walked back together; the conversation had dwindled when Feliciano shut down any possible questions about his high school guy. Walking through the front door, some guy, probably the host, started talking in Italian.

“Non siamo qui per l'alcol. Dov'è il gilbert?” Feliciano said back. Gilbert recognized one of the words from Gilbert’s quick lessons. Feliciano had asked the host to point them towards Gilbert. Feliciano turned towards Ludwig to inform him, saying, “He last saw him in the backyard.”

Upon inspection, Gilbert wasn’t there. Ludwig gave in, finally texting him and telling him where he was.

The sound of a text tone alerted both the younger brothers to their phones, but it had actually been Feliciano’s that chimed. He groaned when reading it.

“Apparently my stupid brother is throwing up his guts in _my_ bathroom and Antonio wants me to go help. That Spaniard’s always been bad at getting Lovino to listen. I bet you five euros that Antonio told him he was getting too drunk and he kept pounding drinks. I need to go.” Feliciano turned about halfway to go, but stopped. “Wait, here, give me your number and I’ll text you when I get home so you know I get home safe.” Ludwig quickly tapped his digits into Felliciano’s phone. Upon his insisting, Feliciano put his number into Ludwig’s phone, putting the contact name as Feli with a heart emoji. “Goodnight, Ludwig!”

Ludwig found a spot to sit. Around the border of the yard was a small garden and wood separated the grass from the garden. Yet, the garden hadn’t been completed, having only a few bushes, so the whole dirt patch was filled with empty plastic cups and broken chips. Ludwig sat on the wood border, waiting for Gilbert.

“Luddy!” Gilbert said, coming into the backyard from around the front. He was clearly a little drunk, but functional. “Let’s head home. I’ve got work tomorrow.” He groaned.

Walks around the town were quite quick and manageable. They were halfway home in minutes. As they rounded the corner which marked the halfway point, Gilbert drawled in German, “So, you hung out with Feli?”

“Mhmm.”

“What do you think? Do you approve?”

Ludwig nodded. “He was cool. I like him.”

“Perfect,” Gilbert said, laughing. Ludwig couldn’t identify what made him laugh, so he simply chalked it up to his drunkenness. “Hopefully you’ll be seeing him a lot.”

When they reached the apartment, Gilbert fumbled with the keys before he finally gave up and let his brother unlock the door. Ludwig locked the deadbolt behind him as Gilbert threw his shoes off to the side. Without shame, he pulled off his shirt, tossing it over his shoulder as he rummaged through the fridge and pantry. He raised two items in victory: a pickle jar and a sleeve of crackers.

“Drunk food of champions!” he exclaimed. “Hangover _magic_.”

Ludwig’s phone buzzed just in time for him to avoid the nightmare that was his brother slamming a shot glass filled with pickle juice.

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 7m ago - I’m turning to my cul de sac now._

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, now - Lovino’s a mess._

Ludwig quickly typed back to say he was glad Feliciano got home okay and wished his brother well, adding that he himself got home alright after meeting up with Gilbert.

 _Feli_ _♡_ _\- Good night! Guten nacht, ja?_

Ludwig let a small smile slip when looking at the screen.

“Who’re you textin’, bro?” Gilbert asked through a mouthful of crackers. “You meet any hot chicks at the party? Without me? I can’t believe you.”

Ludwig shook his head. “I’m going to bed, Gilbert,” he said through laughs.

“You don’t want any pickle juice?” Gilbert shouted down the hallway.

* * *

 

Gilbert had started taking more late shifts. He would push work back an hour or two later than usual to spend time with his brother, taking him out to get to know the town and practice the little Italian he knew while learning more. It had been a week and a half and Ludwig was slowly beginning to enjoy his trip more.

Since the party, Ludwig had started texting with Feliciano. It turned out that his work schedule - he worked shifts at a little authentic Italian joint on the other side of town - was opposite Gilbert’s, nearly. As Gilbert was leaving, Feliciano was getting off. It gave Ludwig someone to talk to throughout the day.

Halfway through Lud’s second week in Italy, he got invested in a conversation with Feliciano. For the third time.

* * *

  _Feli_ _♡_ _, 20:48 - Tell me a secret. Something no one knows._

_Ludwig, 20:48 - Why?_

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 20:49 - Why not? What if I go first?_

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 20:50 - No one knows I speak Japanese._

_Ludwig, 20:51 - How does no one know that??_

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 20:53 - I have a Japanese friend who inspired me to pick it up. I got a couple books and everything. I’m conversational, actually. But we stopped talking so it never was brought up or used. Okay, your turn._

_Ludwig, 20:54 - Um_

_Ludwig, 20:54 - I have one, but…_

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 20:55 - What is it??_

_Ludwig, 20:59 - I’m gay._

_Ludwig, 21:00 - I mean, it’s not like it’s a big secret. But no one knows. I didn’t really have anyone to tell, and I’ve never dated anyone._

_Ludwig, 21:01 - Gilbert might know, but I never told him myself._

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:02 - Dude don’t worry. I’m bisessuale! I don’t know the english word, but Gilbert would. Hopefully it sounds like the english or german word for it. I like girls and boys. Except, everyone knows, haha._

_Ludwig 21:03 - Bisexual?_

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:03 - That sounds right!_

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:04 - Remember the guy from high school I talked about? Haha yeah he was my boyfriend. Until he shattered my heart, but it’s cool. I’m over him but I haven’t dated anyone else._

_Ludwig, 21:05 - I’m sure you could if you wanted to._

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:05 - I am cute, huh? :3_

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:06 -  Everyone is either taken, not into dudes, or ugly lol except like one person. How come you haven’t dated?_

_Ludwig, 21:07 - Socially awkward. Plus I was the only single gay guy. Plus most people suck._

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:07 - Preach._

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:08 - Likewise, though, I’m sure you could if you wanted to. Any guys you think are cute?_

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:09 - The college here is pretty diverse and the town is pretty open. There’s quite a few gay guys here, at least with the younger generations. But you don’t seem like the kind of guy who likes older men hahaha_

_Ludwig, 21:10 - Lol no, but there is one guy who I think is kinda cute_

_Ludwig, 21:11 - I’d like to hang out with him a bit more first, but… I wouldn’t be mad if something did happen, you know?_

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:11 - Yeah!_

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:12 - On the topic, has Gilbert mentioned the plans this weekend? We’re getting food on Friday, with Francis and Antonio and Lovi. You coming?_

_Ludwig - 21:12 - He did mention it, and I’ll be there._

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 21:13 - Yay!!! I can’t wait! I gtg because Lovino is trying to talk to me. I’ll talk to you tomorrow._  

_Ludwig, 21:14 - Talk to you tomorrow_

* * *

 

There was a chain restaurant in the small town, a sports bar of sorts. They didn’t have them in Germany, but apparently the boys frequented the place. No games were on the televisions, nothing important anyway. They got a mountain of chicken wings in various flavors and levels of spiciness and talked for the evening.

All together, there were six boys. Gilbert, Ludwig, and Feliciano sat on one side, and Francis, Antonio, and Lovino sat on the other side.

It was odd, how quickly they had accepted Ludwig into their group. Gilbert had always been popular and loud and fun, frequenting parties and talking to anyone in a five kilometer radius. It made sense that he would hang out with other socialites like himself, Ludwig supposed.

In high school, Gilbert never had a set group of friends, hopping from person to person. Now, these friends seemed to be pretty constant in his life.

It probably helped that Ludwig was pretty quiet and enjoyed beer. They all seemed to enjoy drinking and had their respective alcohol of choice when ordering. Ludwig, though he prefered order, was easy going enough to follow the conversation without complaint.

Plus, Feliciano sat next to him.

The two had been talking often over text, so Ludwig had gotten comfortable with him. Comfortable enough. He would certainly consider him a friend; Ludwig had never had a friend before. They even had an inside joke from one of their conversations. Ludwig, while an introvert, could understand the appeal of extroversion. If he could have a friendship with everyone he met, he would be excited all the time, too.

“Gilbert, you _know_ you’re the worst cook here!” Francis exclaimed in reply to Gilbert's insistence that he were a great chef.

“Seconded. Your pasta tastes like ass.” That was Lovino.

“ _I_ can cook pasta!” Feliciano chimed in. “The best pasta. My grandpa taught me!” Lovino made a comment about how _his_ pasta was better than his brother’s. “No way!” Feliciano continued. “Hey, Lud, you haven’t tried my cooking yet. You should come over and I’ll cook for you. I _can_ cook, I promise.” He leaned close and whispered, “But I can’t tie my shoelaces in North Africa.” It was an allusion to their inside joke.

Ludwig barked with laugher. “I’d love to come taste your pasta. And perhaps I’ll have to teach you how to tie your shoelaces.”

“I can tie them here! Just not in North Africa!” They both melted into a fit of giggles.

The rest of the table had moved on to a different conversation - one of the soccer games on had ended, causing a cry of anger from Antonio - so they all missed the joking of the two new friends. Except, of course, Lovino. He kicked his brother under the table.

“Ow! Why’d you do that!”

“Il tuo flirt ti fa sembrare una puttana. Smettila di lasciare che i tedeschi ti spezzino il cuore.” Antonio flicked Lovino, chastising him for dirty language.

Feliciano was too busy responding, softly saying, “Non riesci a decidere chi ho lasciato rompere il mio cuore.”

In his two weeks in Italy, one thing became apparent: people liked to switch languages when they didn’t want you to know what they were talking about. The language diversity made that doable with the group. But when it came to speaking in Italian? The only one who didn’t know Italian was Ludwig, and they knew that; that meant they had to be talking about _him_. He pursed his lips crossly.

Ludwig suddenly felt a lot less like part of the group.

“Do you have to be such an asshole all the time, Lovino? Can’t you just be nice to me for once?” Feliciano said, switching back to English.

“ _I’m_ the asshole?” Lovino countered. “I’m trying to keep you from being a puttana!” The rest of the table was listening in now, but, in traditional Lovino fashion, he didn’t care. “So if you want to be, be my guest. But for sure as hell don’t come running back to me, sobbing, because I won’t give a shit when I told you not to.”

Feliciano crossed his arms. “I have no idea what you’re talking about! Why are you so cynical and rude?”

“Because I saw our heart get crushed and you acted like a fucking child. What happens with boys is that they want you for superficial things, and then they fuck you, and then they act like nothing ever fucking happened! That’s why you don’t date or get feelings involved, Feli! Amore senza sofferenz e molto raro!”

Tearing up, Feliciano blinked harshly to make them go away. The effect was unintended: the tears came streaming down his face. The rest of the group piped up, telling Lovino he was being too harsh, to which Lovino replied that harshness was the only way to get his point through his brother’s head.

Feliciano brought a sleeve up to his eyes and wiped the tears off of his face, but they were quickly replaced.

“What if I know a really awesome guy who would treat Feliciano well?” piped up Gilbert.

“Do _not_ get into this, Tedesco,” Lovino snapped as Feliciano slid out of the booth and headed to the bathroom, saying he would be back in a minute. “Oi, Fel- Well, he’s gone.”

Antonio whispered something in Lovino’s ear. Due to the loudness of the establishment, he had to speak quite loudly. Loud enough for Ludwig to hear that it wasn’t English. Presumably Spanish. Of course, another language swap. Typical. Just freaking typical.

Shrouded by the light bickering that ensued, Ludwig slipped out of the booth in pursuit of Feliciano. He found the man standing by the sink, trying to pull himself together. In the privacy of the bathroom, he had fallen apart more than he had in the booth. Now, his face was red and his eyes were puffy; his cheeks were completely tear streaked. The harsh paper towels probably were not helping with the irritation, but he blotted his eyes with them regardless.

“Feliciano?” Ludwig said softly, looking around to find the bathroom empty other than the two of them. The Italian let out a deep, moody hum, casting his eyes towards the floor and forcing his hair to fall in his face. “Hey, Feli, look at me.”

He looked up to have Ludwig push a piece of hair out of his face. “You alright?”

Feliciano’s lips quickly turned down in a sharp angle as he pushed them together, presumably to avoid any more crying. “I just don’t get why he’s so… like _that_.”

“I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure what triggered the fight,” Ludwig admitted 

“Well, I… think someone is cute. And I know that Lovino wants to make sure I’m happy and I don’t get hurt. But he’s an asshole about it, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to find someone who will treat me well if I don’t take the risk of getting hurt. Lovino… he always does this. He just makes things worse! He tries to dictate who I have a relationship with. I don’t know what to do! Part of me wants to explore something, but the other part just keeps remembering what Lovino says. What… would you do?”

Feliciano was surprisingly calm as he spoke, the redness fading from his cheeks. His eyes were still puffy, but the swelling was going down. 

Ludwig hummed, finally saying, “It’s not his relationship. You’re an adult who can make his own decisions.”

“Do you think I should go for it?”

“If you want to, you might as well. Here, come here,” Ludwig instructed, leading the Italian to the sink. He yanked a paper towel out of the dispenser and got it wet in the motion sensing sink. Pressing the cold paper to Feliciano’s face, he let out a gasp. “It will help get rid of the red.” They repeated the process several times before his face was entirely its normal color. “Let’s go back to the table.”

They both slid into the booth, Ludwig followed by Feliciano. The arguing was gone, and instead replaced by gentle conversation and a grumpy Lovino, who hadn’t moved an inch. Overall, the table felt very tense and cautious. Feliciano sipped at his water glass until it was empty, then began to run his finger around the lip of the glass; his one empty wine glass, which he usually ran his fingers over, had been taken by a waiter while he was in the bathroom.

“Feli, do you want the last chicken wing?” Gilbert asked, the first to acknowledge their return.

He shook his head. As if that were the cue, Francis reached over and grabbed it off the plate, shoving it into his mouth.

The waiter came by, brandishing the check and setting it on the table. They all chipped in euros to help pay the tab off and shuffled out of the restaurant.

Outside, they said their farewells and parted, each going their separate ways. The Italian brothers went one way and the Germans the other; Francis and Antonio started the same way before parting a street later.

“I feel bad for Feliciano,” Ludwig commented.

“Yeah, the little guy deserves better. If he wants to date someone, Lovino shouldn’t get a say in that, you know?”

“Do you know who he likes?”

Gilbert smirked. “Maybe.”

“What would you do if I wanted to date someone?” Ludwig asked.

The shorter brother reached up to ruffle Ludwig’s slicked back hair. “Aw, does my little bro finally have a crush? Get some, Luddy!”

“Ja?”

“Ja! It’s about time!”

* * *

 

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 23:34 - You said I should go for a relationship if I’ve taken interest, right?_

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 23:34 - Do you still feel that way?_

_Ludwig, 23:40 - Yeah, why?_

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 23:43 - I think you’re cute, Ludwig. I like talking to you. And hanging out with you. You’ve been really kind to me. So, this is me taking action. Would you like to go on a date with me?_

_Ludwig, 23:44 - For real? Yeah, I’d enjoy that. When are you thinking?_

_Feli_ _♡_ _,  23:44 - Really?!?!_

 _Feli_ _♡_ _, 23:45 - If you’re free tomorrow, my brother is going to be gone. I could cook you pasta like we were talking about earlier!?_  

_Ludwig, 23:45 - Sounds great! I don’t think Gilbert and I have plans, so I should be free._

_Ludwig, 23:46 - Let me ask really quick, but we should be good for tomorrow._

_Feli_ _♡_ _, 23:47 - Yay! See you then!_

* * *

As he walked home from Feliciano’s house, Ludwig had several thoughts racing through his mind.

First and foremost, Feliciano did not disappoint in his cooking. Dinner as promised, was stunning. He cooked a traditional Italian pasta dish that he had learned from his grandpa. It was so flavorful and cooked to perfection. And Ludwig got to watch the whole process.

Feliciano decided to cook after his arrival to make sure that it was hot when they ate, just in case Ludwig had trouble finding his house; it was in a cul de sac in a back road of a small neighborhood and he had never been there before. Ludwig sat on the counter, watching Feliciano cook and talking with him while he boiled noodles and made a from scratch sauce. He was a bit messy, and Ludwig’s orderly nature kicked in. He helped clean the kitchen, but as his date insisted, they ate first.

Ludwig ate and even when he was full, he wanted to keep eating. He maintained self control, though.

Another thought he had was that their house was _very_ nice. It was quite a large piece of land. Four bedrooms, four bathrooms, a living room and kitchen that were the size of Gilbert’s whole apartment, a sunroom, and a lovely yard. His grandfather must’ve been quite rich to own such an estate and the Vargas brothers were lucky to have inherited it.

With just the two of them, it felt so big and so empty. Two empty bedrooms, on other sides of the house, left it feeling like there was endless space in the home. Ludwig, who loved the grand house, liked the closeness of his home in Germany. Still, the house was lovely, and he got the whole tour, including a mini room tour in Feliciano’s bedroom.

After dinner, Feliciano showed him the garden and yard. Mostly Feliciano kept it up, according to his accounts. Sometimes Lovino helped, but that was rare and took a lot of coaxing.

The third conclusion he came to was that he liked dating. Or maybe he just really liked Feliciano. He certainly liked Feli more than he realized at first. But he had a genuine amount of fun; had Ludwig smiled this much in his life?

Germans were somber and quiet, reserved in their affection, and that included smiles. Ludwig was introverted and serious on top of his culture. Somehow, he found himself smiling a lot.

Finally, Feliciano was a great kisser.

No, nothing happened. Except for one kiss before Ludwig parted. It was short and sweet, but everything about it was so _nice_.

Feliciano had been saying his farewells to Ludwig before he left, and, standing on the porch, he asked, “May I kiss you?” Upon a nod from Ludwig, he stepped up on put his hands on Ludwig’s shoulders, who, in response, put his hands high on the Italian’s hips. Feliciano had to stand on his tippy toes, even as Ludwig tilted his head downwards.

When he stepped back, Feliciano said, “I’ve had a good time tonight.”  
  
“As have I.”

“Will you text me when you get home, so I know you get home safe?”

“Of course, Feli.”

“Good night.”

“Good night. Thank you for the wonderful evening.”


	2. Part Two

For a month, the pair danced this dance. They hung out one on one almost every week and in the group again at least once a week. In the group, they would hold hands under the table at most, while maintaining light flirting; alone, they would flirt harder and kiss and even make out a couple times.

Their budding romance was not a secret. Everyone knew about Feliciano’s sexuality and there was no reason for it to be a secret. Nonetheless, Ludwig found himself distancing the reality of feelings from his life.

For one, he had never dated. Ludwig didn’t want the stress that came with teasing from the others, even in jest. He needed to settle his feet here first. He would tell them, yes, but it had barely been a month. Time to adjust to this new aspect of life was what he needed.

Not to mention, if he so much as touched Feli a little too long or said something a little too flirty, Lovino lost it. Since that evening in the sports bar, it hadn’t been so bad. It became more snide remarks and side eye glares than actual arguing. Still, there was some tension between the German and the Italian, and a balance that Ludwig didn’t want to tip. 

Plus, he only had three weeks here. Then, he would be leaving.

He still had no idea what he wanted to do, which meant he would have no choice but to return to Germany and attend his fall back school. If he knocked out all the required classes, it would buy him some time to figure out a major or what he wanted to do with his whole life. His dad encouraged him to broaden his horizons in Italy - it was one of the main reasons he went - but instead of finding a career he found a boy he really liked who liked him back. He was pretty sure that his dad didn’t mean  _ that _ .

When he went back to Germany, it was going to shatter Feliciano’s fragile heart, and Ludwig couldn’t bare to do that.

His mind, in that one month, had become a strong tug of war between emotion and rationality. 

Emotionally, he craved to stay here in Italy and live with his brother. He wanted to continue learning Italian to pick up a job; he wanted to continue his relationship with Feliciano and give his all like he wanted. He knew he could be good to Feli instead of breaking his heart like Lovino expected. He had seen enough cheesy television to know what to do. He wanted so much to stay and bring Feliciano flowers and kiss him gently.

Rationally, he knew it was unrealistic. He didn’t know enough Italian to get even a fast food job, and had no connections in the town. He wouldn’t be getting his education because he wasn’t getting into the trade school and, quite frankly, didn’t want to. He had known Feliciano for a month, and couldn’t close all of his other doors for one that was slightly ajar. What would his father say? His brother?

Oh, Gilbert… Ludwig felt the guilt of not saying anything growing and growing with each passing touch, or each kiss, or each cute text message. But how does one bring that up? Was it too late to say anything?

Despite this uncertainty, Ludwig continued as he wanted to. He continued to go on dates with Feliciano and he continued to try to get the most joy he could while he was in Italy.

Yes, they danced this dance for a month.

And, exactly one month from their first date, Ludwig invited Feliciano over. Gilbert had taken another late shift - he had been getting used to them during his brother’s stay and actually was growing fond of them - which provided the perfect opportunity to have Feli over.

They had dinner, which Ludwig cooked. After all, last time they ate at home, Feliciano cooked, so it was only right for Ludwig to follow suit with a traditionally German meal, right?

Unlike Feli’s house, there was not as much for him to show. Besides, Feliciano had already been there a dozen times due to his friendship with Gilbert. They decided to stay in instead of going to walk around the streets as they had after several of their other dates. Ludwig showed him his books, the main personal item he had brought and the only touch of personality to the bare bedroom. As they sat on the bed, Feliciano listened contently as his boyfriend showed him the German and English literature pieces, reading his favorite lines marked by sticky notes poking out and explaining why he loved them so much.

Ludwig stood to collect the books as he had put them on the bed after showing them off. He hoisted them all back onto the dresser and reorganized them. As Ludwig turned around to go sit down again, he was caught by surprise.

Feliciano stood behind him, stopping him in his tracks after he spun around. The shorter man reached his arms up around Ludwig’s neck, pulling him down closer as he pressed their lips together.

Ludwig adapted, having grown used to this feeling faster than he expected to. His hands slid onto Feli’s waist, hooking his fingers in his belt loops.

Though they broke apart several times to breathe, they never stayed apart long. Always, their lips would find their way back together.

Before Ludwig knew it, they stepped backwards and the back of his knees hit the foot of the twin bed. He allowed Feliciano to push him onto the bed, and they scooted back until their heads were at the pillows. Feliciano had settled between his legs to reach up and reconnect their lips once again; his hands were no longer around his neck, but one laid flat on his chest and the other kept him propped up over the German.

“That was sudden,” Ludwig commented as Feliciano pulled away.

The Italian giggled. “You’re so cute. Passionate.”

Feliciano sat up, straightening his spine out. Underneath him, his legs were bent; he pulled Ludwig’s legs closer so that they rested on his thighs. 

“So muscular,” he commented under his breath. Of course, it was still audible to Ludwig, and a bright red blush flooded his cheeks. Instead of commenting back, he shifted his hips and tightened his legs around the other man’s hips, pulling him closer. Feliciano giggled and leaned back down.

As they continued to kiss, Feliciano’s hands travelled up under the other’s shirt, thumbs gently touching the curve where his hips changed into his stomach and touching the hard muscle of his abs. Ludwig hummed into the kiss as he did so, and Feliciano finally requested that he just remove the pesky material altogether, to which Ludwig was content with complying.

“You’re so handsome,” Feliciano said as he tossed the shirt off the bed, landing who knows where. “May I touch you?”

“Please.”

* * *

 

Ludwig awoke hours later, as the sun was creeping through the tiny window in his room. When he was dragged from sleep, he and Feliciano laid close together, pressed chest to chest on the twin bed. Feliciano’s head was tucked against his shoulder; his right arm wrapped against the smaller man’s waist, holding him close.

For Ludwig, waking up was a slow process. He first came to his senses, but he was no fully awake. He could smell the soft, fruity scent of Feliciano’s hair under his nose and see his bare shoulders through his half-open eyes, shadowed by blonde eyelashes. He could feel Feli’s soft skin under his calloused fingers. He could practically still taste his lips. He could hear nothing except the soft breathing of the Italian in his arms. He could -

The sound of the door being burst open was what jarred Ludwig into being fully awake.

He sat up quickly as a sudden burst of fear and energy flooded his veins. Standing in the doorway was Gilbert, fully dressed and surprisingly awake for the hour. Gilbert leaned on the door frame, shouting, “Lud, wake up!”

“Was ist das?” Ludwig responded. The fear quickly dissipated as he saw it was only his brother. He quickly remembered Feliciano, though. “Get out,” he snapped, face burning.

It was too late, as Feliciano had already sat up and turned to see Gilbert. His brown eyes widened in horror.

“Oh, hey, good morning, Gilbert!” he said in a friendly tone, trying to play things off as casual, as if he hadn’t just been caught in the bed of his conversational partner’s brother.

“Oh my  _ God! _ ” Gilbert exclaimed, quickly closing the door behind him.

Ludwig rolled out of bed, quickly finding his clothes and pulling them on, apologizing to Feliciano, saying, “I’m so sorry; I forgot about him coming home. I-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Feliciano said, pulling his shirt over his head and fishing his phone from his jeans. “Merda, I actually need to be getting home. I forgot to tell Lovino that I wasn’t coming home and… Ugh, well…” he shrugged. “Thank you for dinner and everything.” He quickly pecked Ludwig on the cheek before the pair went out into the living room. 

Feliciano pulled the door open after slipping on his shoes. “Bye, Ludwig! And, uh, bye Gil,” he said with a laugh.

Gilbert lifted a hand in a pathetic wave, staring down into his black coffee. “Damn, bro,” he snickered. “ _ Not _ what I was expecting to walk into this morning. How long have you two been, you know, a thing?” He looked up with a goofy smile on his face.

Ludwig shrugged. “Like, a month.”

“Seriously?” Gilbert asked, his eyebrows shooting up to his platinum hair.

Ludwig gave a second shrug. “Is it… an issue?”

“Of course not! As long as you’re happy. And he’s happy. And no hearts get broken. I can’t have my brother and my friend breaking each other’s hearts, can I? Let me cook breakfast.”

Gilbert busied himself by digging through the pantry.

“Thanks, Gilbert.”   
  
“Whatever makes you happy, Lud.”

* * *

 

_ Francis (probably), 11:15 - dude you and feli huh?? wild. gil told me _

_ Francis (probably), 11:15 - i always knew that kid had a thing for germans lmao _

_ Francis (probably), 11:16 - and germans have a thing for him _

_ Francis (probably), 11:16 - congrats tho, you got the second cutest member of the group, after myself ofc. happy for you two! _

_ Ludwig, 14:07 - Thank you. _

_ Francis (probably), 17:32 - if your bro needs a drinking buddy, send him my way before the end of happy hour! i have the heavy duty stuff so he should hit me up lol _

_ Ludwig, 17:34 - He’s at work right now but I’ll be sure to tell him. Everyone will probably hang out soon, so I imagine there will be alcohol there, too.  _

_ Francis (probably), 17:35 - he might need some not group time for……… reasons _

_ Francis (probably), 17:35 - boy reasons _

_ Ludwig, 17:36 - What do you mean? _

_ Francis (probably), 17:38 - m e r d e _

_ Francis (probably), 17:38 - you don’t know _

_ Francis (probably), 17:38 - forget I said anything, oops _

_ Ludwig, 17:39 - ??? _

* * *

 

“Do you mind if I go over to Francis’ house for part of the evening?” Gilbert asked.

Dinner time had just passed and Gilbert was furiously scrubbing at dishes. He had an earlier shift in the day and posed the question after eating. 

“Sure, I don’t care,” Ludwig quickly replied.

Though they were both adults, and this was Gilbert’s house, and they weren’t in college, and a hundred other things that probably would change a relationship dynamic, the two brothers shared the same dynamic as always. In high school, Gilbert had spent a lot of time with friends; he always made time for his little brother, but they both acknowledged that he needed to have some time with his own friendships, too. 

Gilbert ended up catching the bus over to the frenchman’s apartment and leaving Gilbert alone in the apartment. There were many evenings that it had happened, though most were work related. As an introvert, Ludwig appreciated the time alone.

He also appreciated the time to reread his messages with Francis and try to decode their meaning.

Francis had said that Gilbert was going to need to spend some time away from the group due to boy problems… What did that even  _ mean _ ? How would Ludwig’s new relationship affect Gilbert? Yes, Feli and Gil were friends, but surely it couldn’t hurt their friendship that much, could it?

Ludwig paced in circles around his bedroom, thinking, but no matter what he thought, his brain couldn’t come up with a reason that Gilbert would be upset. He hadn’t shown any anger, only happiness for his brother and friend.

Except, now that his mind was on it, Ludwig had to find out.

He couldn’t just ask Gilbert. In ideal circumstances, asking would be the most direct way to confront any issue that might be there. But he might be selling out Francis for mentioning it when Gilbert clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and he didn’t want to start even more drama in their friend group. Furthermore, Gilbert was pretty good about confrontation, so if he was really mad about it, and he hadn’t brought it up, he must have had a really good reason.

Ludwig’s mind wouldn’t rest.

He needed to know.

And he couldn’t ask his brother, so he had to find another source of information.

One of the advantages that Ludwig had, being his brother, was that he knew the ins and outs of his behavior. He knew that Gilbert put his milk in the bowl before his cereal - a point of contention that he brought up that made Antonio lose it at an outing - and he knew that Gilbert opened drawers twice when he wanted to take something from them and thrice when what he wanted wasn’t in there, often leaving them open for Ludwig to close. 

This meant that one of the things he knew was that Gilbert kept an extensive, day-to-day diary.

Each evening, he wrote about his day, including what he did, how he spent money, who he had talked to and about what, along with whatever else. When they were younger, Gilbert had shown sections to Ludwig. Ludwig had also found out that, on days where Gilbert worked late, he filled it out after coming home, often while brushing his teeth. This log ended up being a checkbook, work and hours book, details of his friends book,  _ and _ a diary.

Gilbert would pull them out from time to time when he needed to reference something. He had done so several times in the day during Ludwig’s stay. If they were organized the same as they had always been - and Ludwig couldn’t see why they wouldn’t be - he would easily be able to access them.

On the other hand, Gilbert had  _ one _ rule. No going in his room.

But Gilbert didn’t have to know. Ludwig could quickly swoop in there while he was gone for the evening, find them through his easy organization system, find the day that Gilbert had walked in on them, read it, return it, and no one would ever know. 

It’s not like Ludwig was going to confront him about it. He was just going to use it to be more aware if something was upsetting his brother and to calm his nerves if there really was nothing there.

_ That _ was the logic that creeped through his mind as he slowly pushed open the door to Gilbert’s room. That was the logic that kept him from feeling too guilty as he took a step in, and then another. That was the logic that kept him sane as he felt pulled open the top desk drawer and found the blue spiral notebook. 

Gilbert always kept the most recent one in the most accessible but hidden place in his desk. The others were chronologically stacked with the oldest on the bottom in boxes under his bed. 

Ludwig flipped through the pages quickly, seeing hunks of black lines flying by. Finally, near the end, they changes to empty, white pages. He stopped and flipped back, slower, to the most recent page. Then a couple more to the day of the morning Gilbert found out about his relationship with Feliciano.

His eyes skimmed over the page as he read the scrawling German handwriting.

* * *

 

_The_ _LEAST_ _awesome thing happened today!_ _This morning, I wake up and go in to say good morning to Ludwig before work and he jolts away… and_ _Feliciano_ _is in his bed!! I found out after Feli went home that they have been dating for a month..._ _Like, what the fuck?_ _I really, really don’t understand how this happened. I have spent months trying to flirt with Feli. I have been supportive and kind and always saved my best jokes for him. And then Ludwig comes in and wins his heart in what was about two weeks._ _I’m not mad at Ludwig. Feli is a great guy so I’m happy that if he’s going to date someone that it’s someone who deserves his kind heart. Likewise, Ludwig is so good and I know he’ll treat Feli the way he deserves. I have always done what I could to keep Ludwig happy and if Feli makes him happy, I can’t blame him._ _No part of me is angry, but hurt and confused maybe are better words. It sucks to see Feli being happy with someone else when I have liked him for months._ _Not awesome_ _. And of course I can’t tell Ludwig this! He would just feel bad about his relationship. It’s his first relationship and they’re both good people, so I don’t want to make him feel bad._ _This just sucks!_ _Today was the first time I’ve cried since, like, ever. I don’t cry about things, and I certainly don’t cry about relationships. But I cried._ _I feel guilty for being jealous of Ludwig, too. As soon as I got over the shock this morning, I just wished that… Ugh._ _That was the only important thing that happened today._

* * *

 

Ludwig quickly shoved the journal back into the desk drawer and scampered out of the room, closing the door behind him and making sure that everything was back in its place as it had been. His stomach was filled with a sudden guilty ache, both from the scale at which he had hurt his brother and snooping to find this out.

Retreating to his room, he tried to figure out what to do with this information.

For starters, it explained some of Gilbert’s behavior that he had written off as nothing. When Gilbert called Feli cute that night the whole group came over. When Gilbert had asked if he approved of Feli. When Gilbert had offered to Lovino that he knew a guy who would make an awesome boyfriend for Feliciano. Hell, it might even have been part of the reason he wanted to stay in Italy.

Pieces of this were falling into place, now.

It also explained why Gilbert didn’t tell Ludwig in the first place. Ludwig wanted Gilbert to be happy as much as Gilbert wanted Ludwig to be happy; if Ludwig had known before starting something with Feliciano, he would have stepped back, and maybe even have put in a good work for Gil.

His phone vibrated; Feliciano was texting him.

Ludwig’s stomach lurched before he ultimately decided not to text him back tonight. Tomorrow he could tell him that he had been asleep.

As he swiped away from the text thread with Feliciano, Ludwig received another text message. This one was from Gilbert, who said that he was on his way home and leaving Francis’ house. Gilbert bit his lip before texting back a quick affirmative response.

He quickly felt a wave of anxiety. What if Gilbert knew that he had looked through his journals. That he  _ knew _ .

No, this was fine.  _ Fine _ . Ludwig was going to work this out and break as few hearts as possible.

Even if he had to break his own first.

* * *

 

Five days passed. Ludwig would be going home in just under two weeks. He had grown to feel guilty no matter what he did. Every text of Feli’s that he let slip by made his stomach drop and every time he mentioned something about how awesome Gilbert was cracked his heart. Every time Gilbert mentioned the Italian, Ludwig’s conscience  doubled in size. There was no way that this was ending without someone getting their heart broken, and Ludwig came to the conclusion that it should be him. Feliciano could quickly recover from Ludwig when he sees the other German before him; Gilbert could quickly recover from it, too, when Feliciano realizes that he wants  _ him,  _ not his brother. 

Ludwig would be able to fade into the background as he returns to Germany. It would be perfect.

Except for the next time he goes out there and sees them and remember that he  _ almost _ had something with Feliciano.

Almost was such as sad word.

He couldn't just drop out of it yet. Too suspicious. Too awkward for the next two weeks. And every part of Ludwig screamed at the idea of giving up Feliciano.

Five days passed. When feli tried to call, Ludwig said he was going to bed; when the group went out, Ludwig feigned a headache to stay home and avoid the guilt that would come with holding hands with Feli under the table.

Five days passed when Gilbert finally called him out about it.

Gilbert had been off all day, and the two ran a couple errands, spending the day together. Each time Gilbert mentioned plans, Ludwig shut them down with a gruff, barking rejection. Each time Gilbert mentioned Feliciano, Ludwig changed the subject quickly.

It was in the evening that Gilbert asked him why. Had something happened between Ludwig and Feli?

“No, nothing happened between us.”

“Then why are you ignoring him?”

Ludwig looked stunned. “How do you know that I’ve been ignoring him?” he questioned. “And it’s more… avoiding…” That didn’t make it sound any better.

Gilbert huffed, retorting with, “I don’t have to find out everything from you. Lovino, Francis,  _ and _ Feliciano all mentioned it. Feli is really upset, but you won’t tell him why you’re angry. He keeps wondering what he did to hurt you, when you won’t just tell him what he did to hurt you.”

Ludwig stood up and returned his glass to the sink.

“I don’t think you’re one to talk about not telling people when you’re hurt,” Ludwig finally said as he sat back down.

Gilbert’s face twisted in shock. His mouth fell open slightly; his thin eyebrows which usually sat in a downward tilt rose upwards in an arch.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Scheisse,” Ludwig quickly said. The guilt had been building up in him for five days, all of it. Ludwig had never been good at handling guilt. He used to get nightmares as a child several times a week; in fact, this was the longest he had gone without spilling a crushing piece of information to Gilbert. The only things he hadn’t told Gilbert were his sexuality and his relationship, but neither of those were pressing matters and to be told in due time. “That’s scheisse.”

Gilbert began, “It’s not! What in the world would I be upset about? I’m too awesome to be upset by your petty mortal affairs.” He forced a laugh.

Ludwig sighed. “Gil…”

“What?”

A very strong part of Ludwig was telling him not to tell Gilbert that he knew everything. But another part, a more moral part, was telling him to confess.

“Gil, I know you like Feliciano. The day you found out about him and I, I had gotten a text from Francis that was really vague and confusing and while you were at his house that one evening I looked at your journal for that day because Francis said you’d be upset but you hadn’t seemed upset and I didn’t understand why and I’m really sorry about looking and about dating Feliciano and I just feel so guilty and I don’t know what to do because I’m hurting someone no matter what I do and-”

“Stop talking.”

It was Ludwig’s turn to question, “What?”

“Stop talking, Ludwig.”

Gilbert stood from the couch and went to his room with no more words spoken.

Ludwig remained stationary on the couch, feeling even worse than he had. He sunk into the cushions, staring out the window in the living room. Though he was physically bigger than his brother, Gilbert had a large and undeniable presence, the kind of presence that always made Ludwig feel small. Gilbert was able to control the conversation with two words; when Ludwig was upset, his words became either studders or rambles. Ludwig felt so small.

* * *

 

An hour later, Gilbert emerged from his room. At the sound of the bedroom door opening, Ludwig had looked up. He didn’t say anything when he saw red and swollen eyes.

Gilbert was fully dressed, with a jacket over his clothes and shoes on his feet.

“I’m going to Francis’ and I’ll be home later tonight and we can talk about this later. I think it would be good if you told Feli what was going on so he stops thinking you hate him for some reason. Like you said, someone’s getting hurt no matter what and I won’t let you hurt him. He deserves better.”

* * *

 

“Hey, Feli.”

“Ludwig! Hi, what’s up?”   


“I need to tell you something. Listen to the whole thing, first.”

And Ludwig spilled like floodgates opening. He confessed the odd messages from Francis and sneaking in his brother’s room and reading his diary. He told Feliciano about his brother’s feelings and how he tried to avoid Feliciano because he didn’t want to hurt either of them even if it meant that he got hurt himself. He explained their argument and how Gilbert was at Francis’ house now.

“Oh,” Feliciano whispered into the phone. “He… likes me?”

Ludwig gave an affirmative hum. 

“Shit.  _ Shit _ . That explains a lot, I guess. That makes me feel really bad! I didn’t realize that I was hurting him! I suppose I should call him and talk to him, huh?”

“Maybe not today. He’s at Francis’ after all, and probably still angry at me.”

“Are  _ you _ mad at me, Lud?” Feliciano asked. After a negative answer and a probing of why he would ask, Feli continued, “I mean, your brother likes me. Plus, you said that you didn’t want to hurt either of us and it might be good for both him and I if we were to date each other. As bad as I feel, I don’t want to lose you.”

Ludwig sighd. “I don’t want to either. But I’m leaving soon, and I just… Shit, I’d rather break my heart than either of yours.”

“Even if you’re leaving, it doesn’t mean we have to break up. Germany and Italy are a day trip away, and we could still call. I haven’t dated anyone other than you since high school, and I really like you. I don’t want to break Gil’s heart but I don’t have feelings for him. I have feelings for you. So even if we do break up, we’re all just going to be heartbroken.”

Ludwig leaned his head against the wall he leaned against. “This fucking sucks.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

 

It was after midnight when Ludwig was woken up by his phone’s ringtone chiming next to him. After he had talked to Feliciano, he had fallen asleep on the couch. Now, he stared down at the contact on his phone. His brother.

Ludwig lifted his phone to his ear and said, “Hey.”

“Hey, bro. We… have a small problem.”

Ludwig didn’t like the tone of his voice. It was softer and quieter than usual, losing all the harshness it usually held. Ludwig prompted him onwards.

“I may or may not have gotten hit on the way home and now I’m in the hospital. Don’t worry, it’s nothing too bad, but I will have to spend the night here.”

The younger German was already up and putting on his shoes and jacket, asking for details and typing directions into his phone. He locked the door behind him and made his way through the streets. Italy, in this little hometown, was pretty safe at night, so Ludwig didn’t worry. Gilbert had to go talk to a nurse, so they hung up after Gilbert told him what room he was in.

When Ludwig arrived at the hospital, he was blinded by the bright, white lights as he speed walked through the endless corridors. Finally, he found the room. The door was ajar, with the privacy curtain pulled out to divide the room into two; the other side was empty.

Gilbert sat on the bed with a leg propped up, wrapped in a cast. He stared at his phone screen, only looking up when his attention was roused by the jostled curtain.

“Gil!” he said, stepped over and bending down to hug his brother. Gilbert reached up to put his arms around the larger man. As Ludwig sat down, he said, “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“Stop that. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“But if I hadn’t-”

“Stop it,” Gilbert said. “Stop blaming yourself.” He picked up a plastic spoon and threw it as Ludwig’s chest. A giggle erupted from him. At least he was in better spirits than earlier.

Part of Ludwig knew it was likely some combination of alcohol and painkillers, but he would take what he could get. Since their argument, he had been so down, even having cried, evident by the red, puffy eyes when he left for his friend’s house.  Though, Ludwig was thankful he wasn’t mad right now. He couldn’t take that and his brother’s injuries.

Speaking of which, it wasn’t clear why they were keeping him there overnight.

Gilbert lifted his left arm to show an IV sticking out of it. “My shin is broken, and I have a slight concussion. They’ve been running some other tests and stuff to make sure my guts are all good. I should be all good to go in the morning, though.”

“Thank God.”

“I assume you’ve talked to Feli? I text him and told him about-” he glanced down at his body in the bed. “-This.”

Ludwig nodded. “I called him earlier.”

As if on cue, the curtain was pushed back again, revealing the Vargas brothers. Lovino looked concerned, but distant. He lingered by the entrance, watching the events that unfolded. Feliciano, almost the polar opposite, fretted about the German, asking to fluff his pillows and apologizing and looking on the verge of tears the entire time.

“Feli, Feli, it’s alright!” Gilbert insisted. 

Eventually, Gilbert asked if he could talk to Feliciano in private. Or, in other words, Lovino and Ludwig were kicked out into the hall. 

Ludwig found a row of seats, taking the one on the end. Lovino stood on the other side, leaning his back against the wall and kicking his right foot against the vertical platform. He and Ludwig made eye contact; Ludwig wanted to say something but he didn’t know what to say.

Lovino broke the silence for him. “You Germans suck, you know.”

“Maybe.”

“All I try to do is protect my little brother from heartbreak because it’s the fucking worst. Then he goes out and gets his heart broken by that first guy, and then he gets over it but next thing you know, the nearest fucking German likes him. And then you. I’ve been trying to get Gilbert to get his ass out of the way so he doesn’t hurt Feliciano because I knew this shit would happen, and look at him in there!”

They glanced through the ajar door. From the right angle, one could just see Feliciano. He nodded as he listened to Gilbert and brought a sleeve up to wipe his wet eyes.

“You’re probably going to shatter his heart too, bastard,” Lovino added.

“That’s the last thing I want to do.”

“You don’t always break someone’s heart because you want to. That shit just happens.”

“I’m trying my hardest not to. That should count for something in your book.”

Lovino shrugged. “Once you prove it, I’ll believe it.”

The Italian seemed abnormally calm; though he did cuss, it was less aggressive than it typically was and carried an air of exhaustion and acceptance, as if he was less fed up with love - and with the German boys - and more tired and waiting.

When Feliciano popped his head out of the room, waving them back in. Feli had taken a seat in one of the chairs, dabbing his eyes with a tissue. Ludwig returned to the one next to the bed, and Lovino retook his wall lean position. The group talked - minus Lovino, who stood to the side, eyes glossy and tired - until a nurse came in. She insisted that visiting hours were over, and they should go home. 

“Go home,” he insisted to his brother. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

Ludwig sighed, but accepted, giving Gilbert one more hug, another apology, and saying he loved him. “See you tomorrow, Gilbert.”

* * *

 

It was the early, early hours of the morning when Ludwig tumbled out of bed. He had had a night of restless, anxious sleep. He was out of bed before the sun was off of the horizon. He received a message from Gilbert in the middle of the night saying he would be out at ten in the morning.

He had gotten another from Feliciano at around seven, asking to see him.

He agreed.

Ludwig met Feliciano at a busy cafe near the hospital so they could hang out before Ludwig met his brother. People dashed in and out, trying to get their morning coffee before work hours started. Feli and Ludwig got a table in the back of the establishment and talked quietly as they ate cafe croissants.

“I am happy you’ve spent this summer in Italy, even if you’re going back home soon,” Feliciano said. “I’ll come see you. I can take the train up sometimes and meet up with you. And you can come to Italy!”

The German smiled softly.

“I’d like that.”

“We’re really good. Together. I don’t want to give that up. Ludwig?”

Ludwig looked up from his black coffee, giving an inquisitive look.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

The German leaned forward, pressing their lips together softly.

Ludwig was falling in love, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment and kudos if you enjoyed it. There will also be a companion piece to this story about Lovino and Antonio when I get around to it.  
> :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are super appreciated and they all make me smile! The rest will be up soon!


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